Wow... I can't believe that it's been so long since I've actually been on Xanga.  I've been so busy with my life that things have kinda exploded and imploded...

First off: College.  Yes, I'm finally in college and this is now as a freshman... And there is only one thing that I can say: whoever told you that you can be a new person was lying out their front end and their back end at the same time.  Cliques are even more pronounced than high school thanks to the formation of and entrance into fraternities and sororities.  Many people feel a much larger sense of entitlement because they are now part of this "exclusive" group.  There are some sorority girls that I've met who are absolutely sweet and kind, willing to reach out and truly be your friend.  The majority though... have decided that this is still high school and would like nothing more than to talk "lahke-a-tohtal-lahke-vahlleh-gurhl" in a excruciatingly high-pitched voice, while constantly flirting with boys in the building, during quiet hours, when EVERYONE is supposed to be quiet, no matter what floor or side of the dorm they're in.  The fact that I live in a co-ed dorm only aggravates situations where boys are involved.  And yes, the guys I seen in college are still boys, not men.

I'm slightly in shock and awe that I managed to get into a nationally recognized university.  But at the same time, I feel the pressure of school work.  Gone are the days of bs-ing papers and receiving A's, getting extra credit 9although that still occasionally happens if some god graciously looks down upon you on that day), and staying awake with 8 AM classes.  Instead, pray that you have more than enough caffeine to almost survive the first three hours of class without falling asleep and PLEASE don't miss your first class... Professors generally don't appreciate that.

Second: Politics.  I'm currently in a Red State.  Which means that in almost every newspaper I've picked up since then, there is at least one article in which President Obama is lampooned by critics here. What truly intrigues me is that during the Presidential Address that he was going to give students, critics here were mostly composed of political candidates up for re-election who made quotes mostly along the lines of "How dare he" and "Why would he abuse his Constitutional power," while also saying that he was "indoctrinating" the schoolchildren.  Oh, he definitely was "indoctrinating" them... By emphasizing the IMPORTANCE OF EDUCATION.  Not that it really mattered... Most schools decided that they would show it, but that the kids were allowed to leave the room, or that they would record and review the speech before possibly showing it to the students.

Something that I feel is worthy of mention is the passing of Ted Kennedy.  The senator was an important person, but now, what is his legacy?  Most people simply remember the Kennedy name instead of how much he supported alternative energy work and opposed Bush's wiretap program.  But now, what will he be?  A name, a memory, and perhaps a worthy side-note in many different text books.

Also, I'd like to point out that there hasn't been many status updates about "The War On Terror." Am I the only one who thinks that having a war on an ideal is NOT a good idea?  I mean, seriously, an ideal is in all likelihood going to continue long past our lifespans and our kids' lives, simply because ideals live on in the minds of people who think!  Doesn't that remind you of something...Like the Vietnam war?  I'm not trying to be political, but wasn't that a "War on Communism"?

Three: Increasing dependence on external stimulus.  My campus is relatively big in that I can walk around a lot and see a LOT of people.  It's small in the sense that I can walk from most of my buildings to the next in around 6 minutes.  And yet, if someone isn't walking around in a group, they're checking text messages, listening to an iPod or something like that.  What happened to those good old days when you could enjoy nature?  Or seriously, what about a book?  No one really pays attention to the weather or nature or anything like that, except to make small talk or complain...

So yeah, my comprehensive, relatively short rant about what has been going on in the forever it took for me to update... Thanks for reading a crazy gal's thoughts.  I'll be back!

ED.  I'm sure you've heard of it.  Eating Disorders.  Bulimia, anorexia.  Starvation, dieting, pills.  All in the name of beauty.  Fourteen year old girls going through puberty are being checked into hospitals more and more often weighing less than 100 pounds due to an eating disorder.

At nearly 150 pounds, I have had bulimia for nearly three years.  It started as simple binges, frequent fasts and hundreds of laxatives.  Lately, it's included throwing up.

Eating disorders are difficult to admit.  One of my friends, who I purged with, was checked into the hospital barely weighing 75 pounds.  But she thought she was gorgeous.

I have seen two girls die of anorexia and bulimia.  Both of them collapsed, one on the football pitch next to her cheerleading squad and the other on the floor of the bathroom.  Their hearts gave out and they didn't make it to the hospital.

Eating disorders are terrible.  With help from a few trust-worthy friends, I'm trying to give it up.  And this is what anyone should do.

1. If you suspect someone has an eating disorder, talk to them.  More often than not, they just need someone to talk to.

2.  If you suffer from an eating disorder, start small.  Talk to a trusted friend or a family member.  If that's too hard, find a stranger on the street.  Recognizing you have a problem makes it easier to change.

3.  Get a nutritionist and a psychologist, even the school counselor.  They'll help you stay on track if you feel tempted to relapse.

4.  Believe in yourself.  Beauty doesn't come in the form of a size 2 supermodel that's "heroin chic thin" like Kate Moss.  Beauty comes in the form of a thirteen year old girl daring to show off her belly button piercing even if she thinks her belly is a little soft.  Beauty is a sixteen year old girl wearing the most gorgeous curve-hugging dress to her school dance.  Beauty is trusting that you have what it takes to be yourself.

Guys also suffer from eating disorders.  Guys also need help.  Eating disorders are NOT a way of life.  They are one-way tickets to a hospital.  So, please.  Help yourself.

The title is inspired by Lostprophets' song 4AM Forever and by the fact that I just recently found out that my one of my best friends has been diagnosed as depressed.

Depression sucks. It makes you feel like you're drowning under everything, or it makes you feel like you're stuck in one direction. It makes you hate everything you liked, or it makes you hate yourself. I've been depressed, I've cut, I've attempted suicide and I've drank. But, I've managed to stop it with support from my friends.

My friend is fantastic. He's a computer whiz and he is always there to help. Which is why I want to help him. Do this for your friends too. If they've been sad for more than a few weeks, talk to them. If they don't find their hobbies interesting anymore, try to do something. Go see a counselor about the changes in them. Just don't wait. Otherwise, they could end up a little blip on the statistical graph called "Teen Suicides".